The Past

Upon reflection, it was a pretty good trip back. Some obvious high and low-lights, but one of the softer moments was when I was having breakfast with my Dad at Bagel World on Wilson. I asked the 78 year old figurehead if he felt that marrying my Mom (a non-jew) was the reason his business in the Jewish community went south in his later years. Without hesitation, he said no - things don't work that way.

It was a nice moment between Father and son, even if that's exactly the way things work and even if he was lying through his teeth.

A Good Comeback

Was hanging out with some people I'd just met, when one big oafish looking guy named Scott asked me, "has anybody ever said you look like Jay Leno?" Ha. Really? Jay Leno? Heard that in high school when my chin was a mile long, but kinda figured those days were behind me. I looked at this fucker like I could kill him and spat, calling him by the wrong name on purpose (take that!), "thanks Stuart. Anyone ever say you look like Rick Moranis in Spaceballs?"

You guys can borrow that if you want.

Hot Heads

Was a great weekend for hotheads. Kanye West jumped on stage at the MTV awards and grabbed the mic out of some teenagers hand to say who he thought should have won the award. How much coke do you have to be on to give that much of a shit about an MTV award?

Just as Kanye was flipping his lid, the inappropriately named Serena Williams was threatening the life of an attention grabbing Asian line judge causing her to lose the match.

To top it off, as Kanye and Serena were making their apologies, Toronto's own Norman Levine stood up during the question and answer period of Toronto Short Program 3 and declared the entire thing, "shit" and "a piece of crap". Not the US Open or MTV Awards, but for a 78 year old to be so intolerant of horseshit gives us all hope that one day we might actually say what we're thinking.

090909

So it's the ninth day of the ninth month of the ninth year of the millennium. A big deal for those of us with supernatural powers. Tonight I plan to make 20 vodka soda's magically disappear.

Toronbone

Sorry 'bout the dee-lay. Been hanging in the wild getting my drink on. In Toronto now and feel right at home with these muff diving sock wearing mustaches.

Bar

The guys at my office are trying to teach me a Danish word every day. Today the word is for "desk", which in Danish is "bord". Of course, they don't pronounce their "d's" here, so it really sounds like "bor". But, don't forget their "o" sound is sharper than ours (they have 9 vowels, all of which sound like our "o" sound), so it's more like "bar". In other words, I've been sitting at a bar all day (and I'm not even drunk).

Gary Part 2

Word has filtered in by way of Kenyan boy-messenger, Chinese junk and Pony Express that "Gary the Hangover" has gone missing from work for two days. He is unreachable and top secret, high-level orders have been given for him to be fired by a man named Serge, should he resurface.

If you recall in a recent post, Gary's hard drinking and terrible workday appearance coined the term "to be feeling Gary" as in "I'm feeling too Gary to get any work done" or "I'm feeling pretty Gary right now - I need to throw up."

With Gary's recent vanishing act, the mystery thickens. Where did Gary go? Is he in a saloon or a bar? What is he drinking as he contemplates his downward spiral? And, metaphorically and existentially speaking, does he know that he's feeling Gary?