Opposite Land

Went fishing in the ocean last night avec a few beers and zero life jackets. The boat, she was nice and unstable. Got into land with almost no fuel just before a storm hit. I asked about the rules on drinking and boating and also about not wearing life jackets and got some pretty vague answers. Truth is, there's not a whole bunch of rules here. In fact, the only rule that is widely observed is there's absolutely no j-walking - strange if you consider that's the one rule consistently broken in North America. I live in opposite land.

When I Wore A Younger Man's Clothes

The fundamental difference between people in T.O. and here is that in CPH, people grow up much, much faster. It's not strange to see a ten year old smoking and it's common for a 12 year old kid to drink and have a girlfriend. There's two cases in Denmark of 13 year old boys becoming Father's. What seems barbaric to Canadians, is actually government sanctioned. There's a new policy encouraging women to have children in their late teens and early twenties, so they won't have to miss so much work when they're in the workforce.

It seems superficial, but their expedited youth permeates most things and the strange result is an age obsessed culture. Psychologically, the people aren't fully formed - their quick advance ironically stunts emotional growth. They know how to look like they've got it under control, but these fuckers are a mess.

Freddy Mercury

This week, Copenhagen is hosting the world Out Games. To those of you out of the "hoop", it's the same as the Olympics, but with gays. The marquee event is the 69 meter dash, in which 69 people compete to break the world record of 6.9 seconds. It's worth noting that in the gymnastics competition, the teams consist of the exact same individuals that participated in China last year. Which raises an interesting question - how does one actually qualify to be considered gay? What kind of proof are we talking about here?

The city is filled with competing athletes and their supporters. It's not uncommon to see men dressed in their team uniforms walking down the street. Saw two guys in Mexico sports outfits shopping. Funny.

1988 Saab Turbo

Holy shit do I miss my old ride. Malecite green with tan leather interior = awesome. The buttons required a degree in hieroglyphics to sort out. Little windshield wipers on the headlamps. The ignition key in between the two front seats. The turbo that sounded like a jet engine. I don't miss the bi-weekly trips to the mechanic, but every time I see a similar Saab drive by me here (it was one of a kind - I've never seen one of the same coloring), which is often, I feel nostalgic as a Russian sailor.

If a car could be funny, that car was Sam Kinison - quirky, high pitched, loud, ironic, low to the ground. She was a pig from 0 - 120, but I've never driven a car that went from 120 - 140 like that. Like all good things, it had a sweet spot and took a while to fully understand.

Men

Was supposed to go out for drinks last night with an acquaintance here in the Schmagen. It being Thursday night, my juices were flowing all day in anticipation of a good round of activity situations. By six pm I could fucking taste it. I sent a text to the dude and waited for the location to kick the living shit out of my system. And I waited. And waited some more.

Ten thirty at night and I get a text saying he has a headache.

A headache! Do I need to explain why this just plain sucks ass? Obviously not, so I'll skip to the summary.

According to my coworkers, the real culprit is the Danish women (yeah, right). They are known to complain so loudly to their men that the fella's don't usually tell their ladies about "boys nights" (saving proceeding days from dirty looks, etc). Then, when it's time to go out, the men often crumble under the weight of their women's on-the-spot protest.

In other words, every man here is a short-sighted pussyface. How did they let the situation get like this? They are weak and stupid - every single one of them.

Cleveland

Just when I want to punch a place in the mouth it goes and does something good. Following in the footsteps of Sweden, the Copenhagen media collectively refused to photograph Britney Spears during her recent concert. How fucking cool is that?

My Bullshit

I've got fuck all to say. I think the world can exist without my bullshit for a day.