Bagels

Haven't had a bagel in forever. They don't exist over here, which is reason enough to napalm the whole motherfucking place. No bagel pieces of shit.

James Brown

Until science can make another James Brown it should be considered a complete failure. What the fuck did I spend that $100 on a lottery ticket for if it doesn't mean we get to have another one of these guys?

Hunter S. Thompson

If this dumbass, waste of time blog had a mascot - Hunter S. Thompson would be first choice. He's someone worth missing and there ain't nobody like him. Nobody close. The man wrote without borders, lived without fear and died like a monster. Portrayed by Bill Murray (WHERE THE BUFFALO ROAM) and Johnny Depp (FEAR AND LOATHING IN LAS VEGAS), he's uniquely both Hollywood and anti-Hollywood, quintessential hero and ultimate villain.

Innocence

Being surrounded by people that talk like the Swedish Chef has had a strange effect. I see events play out before me, in a language I don't understand, but am able to pretty much comprehend what's going on. It feels like watching a replay and makes one wonder, by the mid-thirties, have we seen it all before?

David Hasselhoff

Spent a little time in Germany this holiday and had the pleasure of asking a few locals why they love David Hasselhoff so much. A tremendous look of guilt would wash over their face (which I loved) and they'd stumble out some answer about how they "used" to love him. They "used" to love him on Baywatch and he has a nice voice. Then, they'd pick their eyes off the floor and say with resolve - they don't like him anymore. Something about him has changed...



What a bunch of German hypocrites. For a country with a MONTH long drinking festival in October, followed by another three week long drinking festival in December (Fastnacht), who the hell are they?

The Brain

This has to be the toughest Monday of the year. It follows two booze filled, back to back holidays, the latter of which is generally considered the drinking-est celebration of the year. Am I the only one walking a little too slowly by the liquor cabinet this morning?

2008

So far, 2009 can go fuck itself. I've been hit with one of those Euro colds and trying to find something soft to blow my Jew nose into has been an impossibility. The Dane's idea of soft tissue is sandpaper, a sock and a toilet bowl. It's like they enjoy the idea of snot running down their faces, onto their hands and then every door handle in the country. No wonder Vikings had mustaches.