Kevin Costner

No, he's not dead, but he may as well be. He's paying to make his own movies now and just married a 20 year old woman, which means he'll be out of money precisely eight minutes from now. I can see the messy divorce from here. And his acting sucks shit too. It's all gone for KC. There's nothing to believe in...



... I believe in the throat, not the mouth; Whiskey over indoor heat; morning cocktails and breakfast at dinner; I believe in drive-in movies and fuckloads of butter on popcorn; I believe in growing a beard every other year and cooking beans under the stars and smelling like shit - but most of all, I believe Kevin Costner is going to be starring next to the Pet Shop Boys in his next movie that nobody sees.

Kids In The Hall

Is there anything better than making fun of American's?

English Newspaper

The choices over here of English newspapers to read are pretty slim. Have to bike for twenty minutes to a place I can buy British newspapers like the Telegraph and Daily Mail, to get my fix. Not really that interested in the new Heathrow runway and the latest rugby controversies, so it's pretty much on-line news or notta. It's a little thing, but not having a paper to read just plain sucks ass.

Phil Hartman

They say he was the hardest working comedian in the biz. Probably why his wife got so angry at him.

Fred and Barney

Growing up, I didn't get why Barney and Fred were so close. Fred's a first class prick, always pulling some scheme and Barney's the salt of the earth. It didn't make sense to me. It didn't add up.

So young then. So naive. Took a while, but now it's clear as can be. Barney uses Fred even more than the other way around. Fred gets in all the shit, while Barney just sits there like a fucking saint.





Kev = Fred
Barnzey = Barney


Correct?

Napalm

A little something to start your day...



Now go get 'em.

Old What's His Name

Strange that such a mature actor. whatever the hell his name is, had such an isolated career. What did he do, Croc Dundee and a few Foster's ads? Had his fifteen minutes pretty late, which might be the right way to do it. Better than being famous as a kid.

Prague

Anyone that's been to Prague knows there's only one song they play in reputable discotheques...

Orinoco Flow

Now that we're being completely forthright about the trash that piles up in our heads, sometimes I can't get the term, "Orinoco Flow" out of my melon.



How much to have my brain erased?

McGarnicle

Got a friend currently under the spell of the word, "ingot", which means piece of metal or something like that. Just think "ingot" and he'll giggle like a school girl in ballet class. It's difficult to be too judgmental considering I haven't been able to get the name McGarnicle out of my fucking head for the past week.

W.

If there's one positive thing that comes from George W. Bush's two terms, perhaps its the impetus to elect Obama.

Bill Murray Part 2

Apparently Bill Murray doesn't have an agent and if you want to send him a script and get him in your movie, you need to find him personally and hand it to him. Considering Murray spends about 90 percent of his time on the golf course, I'm guessing there's been some confrontations on the lynx involving over-aggressive film producers and golf balls flying at about a million miles an hour.

Owen Wilson

Since Owen tried to off himself, he hasn't been quite the same. Dating Heather Graham on an off is probably not the best way to recover from a serious heroin addiction. Might want to stay away from the rock sluts there Owen. But that's what brother's are for. I'm sure Luke is keeping his brother busy with various Jedi mind tricks all actors learn in film school.

Hard to understand what made Owen so sad. Many assume the drugs were the only thing fucking with his mind, but perhaps his attempt at his own life came from the crystal clear realization that his career and creativity peaked in the scene attached below.

Business Meetings

Kinda miss office life. Not too much, but just a little.

War #1 of 2009

Minutes ago, Israel said they'll end their slaughter of Gaza. Thank God. I'm a peace lover like the rest of us. But, few seem to understand that this conflict has been inevitable since Hamas was elected. The writing was on the wall. Does anybody honestly think that a country of people that have fought like tigers for over 5,000 years was going to put up with a neighbor dedicated to their destruction? If Ontario elected a government bent on destroying the U.S. what the fuck do you think would happen?

I wonder, was the formation of Israel both the best and the worst thing for Jews? Seems like it's the opposite of a blessing. The population is 7.2 million people with a long heritage of being massacred and treated like crap, doing what they can to keep their enemies down. An ironic position for them to find themselves in.

Of course, the reality is that one day, sooner or later, Israel will be gone. A cloud of dust wiped out by a bomb from Iran or Syria or Jordan or ten other places. And that will be that. And all the cocksuckers with their rocks will say Israel had it coming. There won't be anything we can do about it but start again.

Some people complain that the region is more trouble than it's worth. Let's look at it this way, when you shower, there are some areas on the body that consistently require more attention. That's right, metaphorically speaking, the Middle East is the earths groin.

Speaking of groins, here Mel Gibson, wearing the blue and white of Israel painted on his face, speaks for both sides of this unfortunate and never-ending Middle Eastern battle.

Dudley Moore

Dudley Moore had more talent in his little tiny body in the 1980's than all of Hollywood put together today. A true, real genius in the same kind of way that Mozart was. Here's one of about a hundred great clips from the best movie of all time, where ARTHUR delivers a truly romantic proposal:

Sam Kinison & Rodney Dangerfield

Was there anything funnier than Rodney in his prime? Any comedy more impacting than Kinison at full pitch? The guy that thought to put these two together should be dipped in gold, then diamonds, then something to let him breathe, then gold again.

Jer From

The older guy in this clip reminds me of a guy I know.

Bagels

Haven't had a bagel in forever. They don't exist over here, which is reason enough to napalm the whole motherfucking place. No bagel pieces of shit.

James Brown

Until science can make another James Brown it should be considered a complete failure. What the fuck did I spend that $100 on a lottery ticket for if it doesn't mean we get to have another one of these guys?

Hunter S. Thompson

If this dumbass, waste of time blog had a mascot - Hunter S. Thompson would be first choice. He's someone worth missing and there ain't nobody like him. Nobody close. The man wrote without borders, lived without fear and died like a monster. Portrayed by Bill Murray (WHERE THE BUFFALO ROAM) and Johnny Depp (FEAR AND LOATHING IN LAS VEGAS), he's uniquely both Hollywood and anti-Hollywood, quintessential hero and ultimate villain.

Innocence

Being surrounded by people that talk like the Swedish Chef has had a strange effect. I see events play out before me, in a language I don't understand, but am able to pretty much comprehend what's going on. It feels like watching a replay and makes one wonder, by the mid-thirties, have we seen it all before?

David Hasselhoff

Spent a little time in Germany this holiday and had the pleasure of asking a few locals why they love David Hasselhoff so much. A tremendous look of guilt would wash over their face (which I loved) and they'd stumble out some answer about how they "used" to love him. They "used" to love him on Baywatch and he has a nice voice. Then, they'd pick their eyes off the floor and say with resolve - they don't like him anymore. Something about him has changed...



What a bunch of German hypocrites. For a country with a MONTH long drinking festival in October, followed by another three week long drinking festival in December (Fastnacht), who the hell are they?

The Brain

This has to be the toughest Monday of the year. It follows two booze filled, back to back holidays, the latter of which is generally considered the drinking-est celebration of the year. Am I the only one walking a little too slowly by the liquor cabinet this morning?

2008

So far, 2009 can go fuck itself. I've been hit with one of those Euro colds and trying to find something soft to blow my Jew nose into has been an impossibility. The Dane's idea of soft tissue is sandpaper, a sock and a toilet bowl. It's like they enjoy the idea of snot running down their faces, onto their hands and then every door handle in the country. No wonder Vikings had mustaches.